"A Person's a Person, No Matter How Small" ~Dr. Seuss

As you walk into the NICU 8 words are displayed at the top of the NICU doors... "A Person's A Person, No Matter How Small". My friend Emily pointed this out to me when Charly was blessed...and since then...I look at those words EVERY DAY. Those are very important words, especially when your daughter is the size of a 5$ bill (as my cousin rich pointed out to me). Charly is developing her own personality in her own little incubator. I think sometimes she must feel like the little flower on "Horton Hears a Who". There she is in her little incubator in her own little world...doing her best to keep going, and let everyone in the big wide world know she's there...I keep hearing the words "we're here, we're here" from "Horton Hears a Who". I think that's what Charly is telling me "I'm here, I'm here!" (Note...if you haven't seen Horton Hears a Who...you need to rent it...and get a life lesson only Dr. Suess can tell).
Today Charly was VERY IRRITATED. It's just another side of her personality that is starting to show through. She had her EEG (Brain Scan), and thank you to all of the prayers on her behalf...her scan was negative, and the jerking motions she has been having are NOT SEIZURES! Horray! (See...can't you hear her say, "I'm here, I'm here!"). It was hard watching this test done this morning because of all of the leeds that had to be placed on her little head. She looked several times as if she wanted to cry. She would wrinkle up her forehead and squint her eyes just as if she was trying to cry...but she can't cry with a vent tube in her throat, so her eye and forehead motions are all I have to clue me in.

Charly also had a chest x-ray, and a brain ultrasound. We won't have those results until tomorrow, but is it too hopeful to pray for a miracle? We know about her stage 4 bilateral brain bleed. But...we are hoping and praying that she does not have any swelling or need any surgery from the damage (shunts or brain surgery). On top of that...the handicap that she faces is completely unknown. When the spectrum can range from ADHD to completely disabled (essentially a vegetable)...we are in the dark. We pray that her ultrasound doesn't show any swelling, and that she falls on the light side of the spectrum. The ultrasound tests will continue weekly until...well, until they stop doing them. It just gives us a lot to pray about each week, on top of our daily challenges - we are watching out for those big elephants in the room (sorry Horton).

Today is officially day 15 of life. I am so grateful that she is still here. She has so far fought her little way into this world, into my heart, and into so many of your lives. I can't say enough how blessed and privileged I feel to have her.

Another new tid bit - is that Charly Bell was on her tummy today. I have been told the nurses place her on her tummy all the time because her O2 sats are much better - but I've never seen it...until today. It was pretty cute.

Jaxon spent the day with his first grade teacher, Mrs. Soelberg! He was so excited, and even though he's now going into 3rd grade...his favorite teacher still remains...Mrs. Soelberg! She was seriously the best teacher ever, and I am so grateful that she loved Jaxon enough to take him for the day. She was already an amazing teacher, and is truly an amazing friend - THANK YOU!!

As for me...well, I've cried a lot more lately. Dr. Esplin told me today that I'm in the "normal" range for this sort of thing. I think I handled it pretty well the first few weeks...and now the for some reason I feel like I'm at my limit. I ask myself..."How can I be at my limit when everyone is already doing everything for me?" Don't I realize that I'm only in week 2...and if all goes well...we are looking at another 13 weeks? The ward is doing meals, John is helping me out of bed (doing laundry, running around like a chicken with his head cut off...and more), friends are taking Jaxon so I can be at the hospital...people are praying like crazy for us...so how can "I" feel like I'm at my limit? Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. Can I imagine having a few kids, or being single mom in this situation..?? NO WAY. I need to be better at focusing on the blessings that I have and try to figure out how I can now add to the situation instead of taking away from it...any ideas (okay, now I feel really selfish)?

In the meantime...I continue to hope and pray for my little sweet Charly.