Daddy's Girl

I have learned so much over the last few weeks, and one thing I have learned more than anything else is...to expect the unexpected. It's hard to describe the feeling of leaving your baby at the hospital 24/7. I think of it as reverse daycare. I am a working mom and Jaxon has been in and out of daycare so I could go to work. It's gut wrenching, and I felt guilty dropping him off everyday. I know several moms out there can relate. It's even worse having a baby in the hospital. I mean, I know she needs to be there, but I feel like I am the "daycare worker" that only gets to see her 4 or 8 hours a day, and the hospital is her "mommy" that gets to keep her all the time. I gain solace in reminding myself how truly very sick and small she is, but I miss her dearly.

Here is a good picture with Charly-Bell's eyes open a little more. I keep telling her - "look over here". So precious.

It's also hard to describe the feeling of knowing that your baby might not survive. We have been living this feeling for the last month. We are truly grateful for each day we have with her! We made it through the first night (which we were told might not happen), then we made it through the first week, and now we are approaching the month. Along the way we have had several "scares", and know that realistically there will be more. I know that faith, hope, love, and prayers have been getting us by. I also know that little Charly is a little fighter!

We are still at IMC. Primary's is still full and we are now #1 on the list to get in (unless another baby becomes more critical). We are anxious about the move, but know it has to happen for her sake. The truth is, we really don't want to leave. I am dreading the drive to Primary's, and wondering how we are going to make more time to visit with her, work, go on living, and provide for all of our needs. I know it will work out, but when I write it down on paper...it's just impossible.

John got to hold Charly yesterday. It was so cute. I will never forget the look on John's face when he held her. The nurse let him pick her up and place her on his chest. She was so tiny and fragile. She loved it! She definitely knows her daddy! I have to admit, I was a little jealous, but I am so glad that John held his baby girl. We have no idea what the policy is at Primary's and if Charly is sent to surgery soon...we most likely won't be able to hold her for a long time.

I feel so lucky to have a husband who loves his kids so much. John is such a big part of Jaxon's life - especially lately, and it was a thrill to see him pick up and hold his daughter. I know when we found out we were having a girl - he was worried. I see him now loving her, reading to her, and being so concerned about her, me, and Jaxon - and I think he's wonderful. Thanks Babe, for being the best hubby and daddy out there!

How cute! Believe it or not...they did not have to "pluck" any hairs off Charly after this.

John and his dad gave Charly a blessing. It was wonderful, and it helped me feel more at peace. It was fun seeing Grandpa White (Charlie) look into Charly's isolette and be fascinated. I think she liked her Grandpa!