Charly's Cry

I started work today. I can't express how truly exhausted I have been feeling...and that was before I went back to work. I am grateful my employer (and best boss ever) have let me flex my schedule a little bit to accommodate for Charly. I am hoping that in a few months I will be able to finish my maternity leave at home with Charly in my arms.

It's hard thinking of her at the hospital without me. I feel so torn. When I'm home - I think I should be at the hospital. When I'm with Charly, I think I should be with Jaxon, and I miss John all the time. I feel like I haven't been given enough time in one day, but I am getting by. The only thing I can compare it to is the feeling and unexplained blessings that come when you pay your tithing. It's the same principle here. For some reason when I scratch my head and can't find enough hours in the day to get things done...somehow I am managing. I might add...not without help.

I have said several times that I wish I could wrap my arms around everyone and give you a big HUG and shout THANK YOU! I have been so blessed, and I know that my family would not be doing as well as we are without all of you.

Charly had a hard day today. Let me rephrase that...Angie had a hard day today. After work I went to a Dr. Apt and after complaining of my one swollen leg, they sent me for some tests to check from blood clots. Nothing found. Can't explain the edema in my leg...so if I walk a little funny for a while, that's why. I then went as quickly as I could up to the hospital to see baby Charly.

When I got there she seemed like she was doing okay. Her heart rate was a little high for her, so I put my hand in her isolette to give her my typical mommy snuggle (I just hold her hand and talk to her, or put my warm hand over her chest). She got upset really quickly (See in the picture above? She is gripping my hands so tight with her little hands). She was annoyed, and I couldn't put my finger on what was making her upset. She had her cry face on for a while, and I alerted the nurse. I found out that she had had some blood taken a little before and that may have made her upset.

The nurse tried to sooth her, but that didn't work either, and finally after some pain medication she settled down a bit.

Her cry face is breaks my heart. I asked one of the NNP's (Neonatal Nurse Practitioners) if it's normal for preemies to cry this early. She said that for the most part it means that they are upset, uncomfortable, or in pain. So now, I when I see the cry face...I'm going to be extra cautions of what Charly is trying to tell me.

I left the hospital discouraged, and wishing that I could do more for my sweet baby. We have been waiting to hear some news about how her bowels are doing, and waiting for some much needed tests to be done. I hope Charly is stable enough for the needed tests, and continue to pray that the results will be in our favor. I listened to a CD my friend gave me (thank you Angie) and cried all the way home.