The Transfer to Primary's

Let me start out by saying that today was much harder than I thought it would be. The transfer to Primary's has been in anticipation for a while now, and even with all the preparation, information, and education on how different life would be at Primary's...it doesn't compare to what actually happened on the transfer. I would rather sit point blank next to someone scratching their nails down a chalk board - than relive today.

I had to be reminded several times that today was "Saturday"...as I had no idea what day it was. When I arrived at the NICU today at IMC - I was prepped with information on Charly. She still has no conclusive findings about her bowels, and the surgical team at Primary's would like to see her for evaluation. I anticipated the transfer all day. It went so smoothly. The Life Flight team was amazing. I felt so prepared to go, even though we really didn't want to leave. I thought I had been given all the information and education on "transfer frustrations" and felt ready to go. I now know that everything I thought I learned about the potential transfer - didn't prepare me for what would happen.





Everything went so smooth at first. They moved Charly into the Life Flight newborn isolette. She looked good, and her oxygen was looking great. They loaded her into the ambulance and we were off to Primary's. I was actually kind of excited. Then as soon as we reached the NICU at Primary's... My frustration began. I realized immediately how spoiled we really have been for the past 5 weeks. I was "not in Kansas" anymore.






I don't want to disparage Primary's, but I'm giving a point of view from my perspective, and how I felt. I was initially greeted by a clerk with a "take a number" attitude. I definitely did not feel any "love" from her - if you know what I mean. She didn't even ask me my name...she rudely handed me some paperwork and directed me to the hallway. She gave me a 10 second orientation of the NICU, and told me someone would be out to get me in "20 minutes". I wasn't freaking out or anything at this point, but I realized quickly that the one on one care we had before was GONE. We are now officially a number. Don't get me wrong, I know Primary's is good at what they do - and I pray that they can find what is going on with Charly and help her get better. It's just that it is so impersonal, and it's definitely NOT private. About 30 minutes later the same clerk came out and told me that it would be a little while longer before I could go back. Why was it taking them so long? When I asked why I couldn't be in the room she turned around and said she would be right back. Moments later the NNP came out to talk to me. It was a familiar face - an NNP that I had worked with at IMC - so it helped to see her. She gave a better explanation of what the "rules" are at Primary's.

I want Charly to have the best care and be in the best hands, but I am feeling more and more loss of control, and the hospital has become Charly's new Mommy. I also learned very quickly that I am not allowed to talk on my cell phone unless I am in the waiting room. There are only 2 people allowed in Charly's room at a time, and we are in the smallest hospital room I have ever seen. Just thinking about it gives me claustrophobia. For a minute - I felt like we had made the BIGGEST mistake by letting them take Charly to Primary's. I was completely stressed out and frazzled.

Charly had a nurse named Amy. She was wonderful! I think of all the things that happened today...she was one of our true blessings. She has a lot of NICU experience, and I LOVED the way that she swaddled and took care of Charly. I hope that we have her again, because I really feel that she was sent to us for a reason, sort of an earthly "Guardian Angel".

John finally arrived with his mom and dad and he gave Charly another blessing. I felt much better after the blessing...and my frazzled nerves calmed down a bit. When I left the hospital I still had no more of an explanation as to what is happening with my baby girl, and I had a feeling like I need to be more patient. I felt like crying all the way home.