The Holder of the Bow

We all had a rough weekend. Charly required 100% oxygen and was moved back to the oscillating ventilator. It was a big setback, but I have faith that there is a reason - and I really believe that Charly was just trying to tell us something. I was going to make my way back to Church yesterday, when we got a call from the hospital. Charly was not doing well. After moving her to the new ventilator she still needed 100% oxygen and it was sending red flags to the hospital staff. I had a hard time keeping my cool and broke down next to Charly's Isolette. I have been trying very hard not to cry when I'm in her room. I know she needs my strength. When I was a child and sick - I remember my mom sitting by my side and telling me "everything will be okay".

I went out of her room for a bit, and got the tears out. I had a wonderful feeling that everything would be okay, and while reading - I came across the story of Alma and Amulek from the Book of Mormon. I read Alma 14:28 "And Alma and Amulek came forth out of the prison, and they were not hurt; for the Lord had granted unto them power, according to their faith which was in Christ. And they straightway came forth out of the prison; and they were loosed from their bands; and the prison had fallen to the earth". I knew that I needed to have faith in Christ just as Alma and Amulek did. I cleaned myself up, went back into Charly's room, and did just as my mom did for me when I was little and sick...I told her "everything will be okay". Charly is going through her own little prison, and so are all of us. I know that one day we will be "loosed from our bands".

A few hours later Dr. Brunelli came in and re-intubated Charly with a bigger vent tube. They are testing her old tube and secretions for infection, and trying to rule out pneumonia. She seemed much more rested and settled once all of the procedures were done. I think there was something about that old vent tube that Charly just didn't like - I'm not sure if it was placement, or possible infection, but now that it's out - I really feel like she's a bit more comfortable - even with a bigger vent tube.

As of midnight last night her oxygen requirement had come back down in the 60's, but that is still quite high. She looked much more peaceful, and I had a good feeling leaving the hospital.

When I got home last night I read a quote by Jeffrey R Holland that says, "Our children take their flight into the future with our thrust and our aim. And even as we anxiously watch that arrow in flight and know all the evils that can deflect its course after it has left our hand, nevertheless we take courage in remembering that the most important factor in determining that arrow's destination will be the stability, strength, and unwavering certainty of the holder of the bow."

I am not the holder of the bow, but I trust in him who is. I am grateful for this experience and know that I am being molded, tested, and tried according to that which is in store for me. My little Charly is so sweet and wonderful, and I have faith and look forward to bringing her home.