Saturday Mourning

My sister in law had her baby last Wednesday. I was so excited for her. Her sweet little Amy was born a healthy 8lbs, and mom and baby are doing great. I knew the date was approaching and started to get a little anxious for my sister in law. I prayed that everything would go smoothly with her delivery and that little Amy would be perfect. I couldn't wait to go see her at the hospital...until right before John and I got there. It hit me...sadness.

As happy as I was for her and her sweet baby...something reminded me that my baby is sitting in an incubator all the way across the valley. I broke down into tears. I really and truly was happy for her, but I began to mourn the loss of my "perfect" birthing experience. I didn't get to have my baby with family in the room...eyes filled with tears of joy, and pictures snapping left and right. Charly's birth was quiet, scary, and so full of uncertainty. I didn't get to have the baby in my room...joyfully learning how to breast-feed and settle a little baby while recovering. I know, it's time for me to start mourning the loss my birth experience.

We went to breakfast with my mom & sisters on Saturday. We had such a good time talking, and celebrating Jaxon's birthday. Just as breakfast was ending...I broke down into tears with Sara and Kim in the bathroom at Little America. You see...Sara, Kim and I were all pregnant at the same time. I was due last. Sara and Kim are due in the middle of October, and I was due on Halloween (or later as we've discovered). I began to mourn the loss of my pregnant tummy. I started tears of joy for my sisters...and their big round bellies and have so much hope for happy, healthy birthing experiences for them!

After breakfast we went to see Charly Bella. She was super cute. She is finally old enough now...that people can touch her. Can you imagine....I have had a baby for 2 1/2 months and she has NEVER been touched by her brother, she's never been held by her grandparents, or touched by most of her aunts and uncles.

I am so ever thankful for the progress that Charly is making, but sad that I couldn't keep her in my tummy a little longer (okay, A LOT longer). As the leaves begin to Change, and the wind begins to blow...It brings me closer to the time of Charly's actual delivery date. I hope her sweet little head will be okay, and that she won't require any surgery. I truly, truly can't tell you how much I miss her, and how badly I want to bring her home.