Aspiration

We had a big downhill drop on our NICU roller coaster today. I didn't know that Charly was scheduled for a swallow study today...until I was on my way to the hospital (usual Wednesday meetings). I was hoping for the best, but the results were not good. Charly is aspirating when she eats. This means that the food goes into her lungs. It was BAD news. It also means that all attempts to continue feeding her have stopped (oral feeds, bottle feeds, and no more breast feeding).

Poor little thing had several other things done that bothered her today. Once they found out she was aspirating, she had a camera put down her throat to ensure that her vocal cords are not paralyzed (due to being ventilated so long). Luckily, her vocal cords are fine, but she did not like having a camera shoved through her nose into her throat.

She also had a NJ tube placed, and her NG tube removed. Her tube now goes down past her stomach into her intestines, and she is on a constant flow of milk at a very slow pace. She was pretty upset during all the tubes going in and out of her nose.

When I left the NICU tonight, I was feeling grateful that we had one of her primary nurses (thank you Abby) because she really needed me, or one of her "hospital mommies". The poor thing was EXHAUSTED.

Tomorrow brings another day of tests. She will have an upper GI in the morning to see if she is refluxing, and how bad. If she is refluxing, they also want to see if she is protecting her airway, or if the reflux is going into her lungs (which is REALLY BAD, and I am crossing, crossing my fingers that this test comes back with good results).

I am feeling COMPLETELY overwhelmed with everything. I am tired, and I feel almost like I want to crawl into the closet and cry. I know I can't do that...and I will be okay. A good night's rest I am sure...will do the trick.

I have so much love in my heart for this little baby that sometimes I forget that I need to be patient with her. She is trying so hard. The look on her face when she was eating was like "mom, I am so tired, and I am only doing this because you want me to". Almost the same look that Jaxon gives me when I beg him to clean his room.