Daddy's Girl

This post is from Charly's dad. I went from Sunday morning, on the 17th of July, trying to wrap my head around the fact that Angie was not coming home from the hospital until Charly was born. I also need to mention that the Doc told me that best case scenario would be 10 weeks. By the time I accepted that I was going to be without my wife at home for a while, little Charly was on her way. Angie was in the operating room in less than 5 minutes and the nurse asked me who is taking Jaxon. I had to tell her no one. I quickly explained to Jaxon that mommy was going to have the baby now and we would be back with him shortly. Jaxon was left alone in the woman's center triage room. I was taken to the room where I was handed a smock, a hair net, a face mask, and booties to cover my sandals. The nurse looked at me and said she has never had a guy with sandals and a hat on with all that other stuff on. I looked and felt pathetic. I was taken into the operating room and the doctor and nurses were awesome. They lowered the sheet so I could see little charly. I could only see her feet and legs but they were so tiny. When Jaxon was born I felt the spirit so strong that I wept. When I saw Charly I did not have this same experience. My heart sank and I worried about our little girl. Angie went to post op where my mom, dad, and Brother were waiting for us along with Jaxon. Jaxon was fine and the nurses did a great job taking Jaxon and setting him up with cartoon network. It took the NICU doctor a long time to come up and talk to us. When he did finally come up he had bad news after bad news. Charly had to be recesitated, her lungs were not taking oxygen well and the odds of her surviving was 30%. He told us that as parents it is natural to hold on to our children but in this case it would be ethical and humane to think about letting her go off the support and let nature take it's course. I looked at him and asked if there was anything good he could tell us. He simply said "She is alive". My heart sank and I felt the knot in my stomach. We thanked the doctor and after a little while they wheeled Angie in her bed to the NICU to let Angie and I see her for the first time. She was so tiny and it was hard for me to look because of all the tubes and bruises. The nurse told me to put my hand in and touch her hand. I put my pinky finger in and touched her hand. In that instant she grabbed on to my finger and I felt her spirit and I just broke down and wept for my little girl. I did not cry a little, I cried a lot. It was uncontrollable and I have only broken down like that a few times in my life, or should I say my adult life, first when I married Angie, Second when Jaxon was born, third when I admitted I did not want to lose Angie when we were seperated and now I can add when my little Charly bell touched me for the first time. Charly has already changed my life in so many ways. One day when I was waiting to be let in the NICU I saw a woman sitting on the bench crying. She had on the same tag that we did making it easily known that she had a baby in the NICU as well. My heart went out to the woman and I started to tear up. Angie asked me what was wrong and as I told her, I felt my pride and tough guy just melt like butter. I would not have had that same empathy or compassion if I did not have Charly. I love to read to her. Sometimes reading to her is all I can do to feel normal and hopeful. I am going to start reading Charlot's Web or Harry Potter. I love my little Charly bell and would not trade this experience for anything. Angie and I have grown closer and my testimony stronger. She is so sweet, my little Charly bell.