The Shoe Box Easter

I sometimes wonder if it's possible to write down all my thoughts, and if I did...what would they compromise?  As I scroll through the feed posts on Facebook I often catch myself before I post what it is "I am really doing".  Thoughts go through my head about posting: "Checking to see if the baby is breathing" or when I came across a shoe box in my closet...I remembered thinking last August "Charly is small enough to fit in my shoe box".

I somewhat cleaned out my closet today.  I have so many projects that have been put on the back-burner and when I have weeks like last week...none of them seem to matter anyway.  The grass in the yard is yellow and bare due to lack of water last summer, and my normal excitement to plant a garden has been overshadowed by the reality that I might not be able to take care of it this year.  It's that part of me that wants to do EVERYTHING, but really can't seem to finish ANYTHING.  Well, anything that trivial I suppose.

I read somewhere that collecting shoe boxes is a great way to manage storage of small items.  My problem...I collect the shoe boxes and they pile up until I finally break down and throw them out.  This time...I couldn't bring myself to throw out the empty shoe box in my closet.  It's become sort of a memento.  I know, I know...I think this might be a classic sign of hoarding, but really, until you have been where I have been...seen what I have seen, and wondered what I have wondered...the shoe box represents so much more to me than an empty box.  Not every parent can say that their child could fit in a shoebox.  And, although Charly has outgrown the shoebox in great miraculous fashion...I will still NEVER be able to look at a shoebox the same.  So many days I wondered if she would live the day, the night, the hour.  And I feel so thankful today...that my shoebox is empty.

I've mentioned this before, but there has been a song that kept me going when I would visit Charly in the NICU last summer.  The song is called "The Robe" by Mercy River.   "...I'm reaching for that robe, I know that you can make me whole, but if it's not meant to be that way...if I can't stay...then just wrap me in that robe, and hold me when I go."

Tears would fill my eyes as I pleaded with the Lord to help find his robe for Charly.  But, if we couldn't reach the robe...I pleaded daily...for him to hold her while she goes.  I feel so thankful, and blessed, and have a testimony of the love of the Savior for me, for Charly, for my family, and for all of us. 

The BIGGEST and BEST thing that I have been learning with Charly is that we do have a living Savior who loves us.  I am so thankful for the blessings that we have received, and that right now...Charly has found "the robe".  We will continue to hold onto it until it is time for each of us to go...and I know that no matter what happens...that he will wrap us in his robe...and hold us when we go.

This Easter...with ALL the MIRACLES and with all the JOY that we have experienced with Charly...we are thinking of and thankful for a loving Savior who loves each of us...who gave his life for us...whom I have a HUGE responsibility to testify of because of all that I have been blessed with.  I hope that Easter will find each of you happy and hopeful...just as it is finding us.

And...“In our hour of deepest sorrow, we can receive profound peace from the words of the angel that first Easter morning: ‘He is not here: for he is risen.’” ~President Thomas S. Monson

And so this Easter...the shoebox remains in my closet empty...just like the tomb of the Savior was empty.