Pregnancy after a Micro-Preemie: 18 weeks

18 Weeks - I'm already bigger than I was when I had Charly at 24 weeks!
I'm not thrilled with this picture...John really wanted me to "pose" for this one...and I felt silly.
But...I didn't take any "tummy" pictures with Jaxon or Charly...so this is new for me!

Well, we've made it this far.  It's such a relief that everyone knows our exciting news.  We found out before Halloween and it's been hard to keep quiet, and not share the news.  At the same time...it's been very scary.

Having a baby after a micro-preemie is a very unique experience.  We know we have a lot of statistics stacked against us (30-40% chance of pre-term delivery), and we are taking every possible precaution.  I'm seeing an awesome Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist and I know that we are in good hands.  On top of the statistics...I will need to have a mandatory c-section at 36 weeks due to the type of c-section that I had when I had Charly.  So...another baby that is coming at least 4 weeks.  

At 14 weeks (around Christmas time) I had a cerclage placed.  Because we don't know "exactly" why Charly Bella came at 24 weeks...the best guess is that my cervix thinned and my water broke.  It wasn't the funnest surgery I've ever had (hey, who said surgery was fun anyway), but it sure helps give me peace of mind that we are considering everything in order to keep this little miracle inside as long as possible!

I am pretty much on moderate bed-rest.  Which means...I can do normal household duties with NO lifting, and NO exercise.  I go in weekly or bi-weekly depending on how I'm doing to get checked and meet with the Doc.  So far so good.

I've spent many nights with anxiety over having this little one.  She wasn't "planned" so it took us by surprise in so many ways.  We really do feel that we are being blessed by Heavenly Fathers will and that this baby...just like Charly has a purpose.  I've been suffering from morning sickness since about 5 or 6 weeks.  It hit really early on.  With Jaxon it didn't hit until 9 weeks, and with Charly it didn't hit until about 8 weeks.  This one hit hard and I've felt pretty miserable since.  I have a gag reflex that just won't stop.  Some days I feel like I can't lift my head off the pillow because gagging 200x just takes everything ounce of energy that I've got.  I console myself with the reminder of how I felt after I had Charly.  I wanted to have a big uncomfortable belly so bad.  I would have traded a thousand sick morning sickness days than to watch her struggle and suffer...so if sickness means that I have a chance at a healthy baby...then bring it on.

I also try and stay positive about the outcome.  Some days it's hard and I relive moments and fears of Charly's early delivery.  I also fear for my own safety much more during this pregnancy.  I have two other kids who rely on my and I want to stay healthy and be able to take care of my family.  I have much more of a "pregnancy reality" than I have ever had before.

I'm thankful for John, my Mom, and for my friends and family who keep supporting me and helping me through this.  Jaxon has been one of my biggest helpers with all of this.  He is such a WONDERFUL big brother, and I know that this little baby inside my tummy is one lucky little lady because she gets to have Jaxon and Charly as her brother and sister.  

I'm just being careful and trying to do my best.  I start progesterone injections this week...so I hope those go alright.  One more step in the process of strengthening my body to handle this pregnancy.  

I am thankful for this experience as hard as it may be and I relish these moments of my last pregnancy.