19 Weeks...and NOT counting!

19 Weeks and SUPER SICK today!

So far so good.  We've made it 19 weeks...and we are NOT starting to COUNT!  I really want to make it to my goal delivery date of 36 weeks.  These next few months are going to be very scary and critical to us!

I've been having a really rough go with morning sickness, and I wake up each week thinking "this week I will feel much better," and then I don't.  I am taking solace in the fact that the "wives tale" says the sicker you are in pregnancy...the healthier the baby.  Well, something of that nature.  My poor family is dealing with my horrid gag reflex.  Sometimes It's so bad I can't lift my head up off the sofa.  Jaxon has decided he would rather change Charly's messy diaper...than watch me gag and get sick while doing it (although, he has yet to change a stinky one...lol).

I started my progesterone injections last week.  They aren't so bad.  The needle is really long and scary looking, but I just don't look.  I'm going in to see Dr. E every week anyway, so I haven't had to "learn" how to give myself the injections...which is a bonus right now - being so sick and all.  

I had an ultrasound this week too.  The baby looks good.  They couldn't see her spine very well so I will need to go back to have it repeated, but everything else looked great.  I had SO MUCH anxiety during the ultrasound.  I know for sure...that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from Charly's early delivery, and my 5 month NICU stay with her.  I think Primary Childrens gave it to me the worst.  I found myself counting things off in the ultrasound.  Does she have 4 chambers of the heart, can we see her ventricles, does she have a stomach, etc, etc... I know for a fact that I would have never thought about any of these things if I didn't gain some experience from other babies and their developmental deformities I was exposed to at Primary's.  As I laid there...I started having flashbacks of babies and their medical problems...not just the ones that I was familiar with that Charly had.  I can't even begin to describe the anxiety in my heart, head, and body.

Charly celebrating the Superbowl! (Dr. Pepper used for a Pork Recipe you sillies!)

'Today was the Super-bowl.  I didn't feel all that great, and wow, I feel like I've become a horrible mom.  I've tried so much to do everything that I possibly can to keep Charly busy, but some days are just not the best.  She's starting to get annoyed with my laying next to her chair on the floor.  She looks at me like "why aren't you picking me up or playing with me". 

Poor Jaxon has been helping me more than I know he should.  He has been SO GOOD.  He picks Charly up and holds her when she calls him, and Charly is starting to call Jaxon "buba" more than she calls "mama".  In fact...the other night Charly woke up in the middle of the night.  I went in to check on her and she looked at me like "who are you?"  She immediately started crying and calling "buba".  Jaxon woke up and came into her room and held her...and PUT HER BACK TO SLEEP...in the middle of the night!  What an AWESOME kid!  I sure love my Jaxon!

Despite feeling SUPER sick and eating mainly a diet of carbs, (yes, that would be like 6-8 pieces of bread per day, crackers, tortilla's etc, etc...it's horrible - but I am keeping down my vitamins!) John has been cooking up a STORM.  I'm so lucky that he's such a good cook.  He makes me pretty much anything that sounds good at the time!  This week...it was coconut shrimp...

And pressed shrimp sushi.  I've already started gaining weight...so that's a bit depressing, but I'm doing the best that I can feeling so sick and trying to keep my body with the calories it needs for the baby.  I am already planning my VERY INTENSIVE weight loss regiment after the baby comes.  So, for now I'm indulging when I feel good enough.  It is taking a bit of emotional toll on me...I gotta say.  But, I really will do anything to get this baby here fat and healthy.

Charly is getting more teeth.  She sure doesn't like teething, and I sure don't like it either.  Last night I gave up and put her in my bed in the middle of the night.  She wore herself out by playing with my box of tissues.